The Day A Sandwich Broke Me
Today, as I sat at my desk working, I looked up as a lorry rolled by outside. In the passenger seat was a bloke casually eating a sandwich. Nothing special. No fireworks. Just a man and his sarnie.
And I cried.
Seeing that sandwich being nonchalantly eaten without a care in the world broke me. Because here’s the thing: for me, a sandwich isn’t simple. It’s a fucking Rubik’s cube of restrictions.
Coeliac disease? Wheat bread is off the menu. God I miss cheap white bread (or just cheap bread!)
Dairy intolerance? Say goodbye to butter and cheese and hello to crap fake spread and shit fake cheese.
Type 2 diabetes? Carbs can send my blood sugar to the moon.
ADHD and autism? Even if I could magic up the perfect gluten-free, dairy-free, carb-conscious cheap sandwich, I can’t just eat it on autopilot like that lorry passenger. My brain doesn’t do “nonchalant.”
All of that hits in one tiny moment, watching someone else do something so ordinary it doesn’t even register for them. Just a sandwich. Just a Tuesday. Just… freedom I don’t have.
Most days, I handle my collection of conditions like the fabulous, neurodivergent, art-slinging badass I am. I make it work. I laugh about it. I paint about it. But some days? Some days it feels like too much. Today was a too much day.
And I think it’s okay to say that out loud.
Some days what makes us fucking awesome can weigh heavy
I’m not looking for pity or platitudes. I know I’m authentic and bloody brilliant Jools. I know I do more than survive — I thrive and I soar. But I also want to be honest: living with all the things at once can be exhausting. There are days I feel like shit, but there are more days that I feel strong and fearless, and I need to remember that.
So here’s to the lorry man and his cheese sandwich. I hope it was the best bloody sandwich of his life and he never takes a simple sandwich for granted. I hope every mouthful was a joy. Because for me, just watching it was a reminder of how complicated my “normal” is — and how strong I’ve had to become because of it.
Both things can be true: I can be overwhelmed and I can be brilliant. Sometimes on the same day. We all can